I always laugh when I see those television commercials for the latest and greatest pharmaceutical offering from the big drug companies. Whether it is for insomnia, hypertension, erectile function, allergies, or depression, there are always these really happy-looking people living a wonderful-looking life. So, really, whatever the drug is supposed to be doing, it is certainly doing it extremely well. The part that makes me laugh is the last 20 seconds of the commercial where the peppy announcer quickly reads all the potential scenarios for the catastrophic side effects of the drug.
So, all these really happy people, as a result of taking whatever drug has made them so happy, should know that there are dangers lurking around every corner.
Yesterday afternoon, I saw my fourth doctor in less than two weeks. I have also filled my fourth round of heavy-duty pharmaceutical medication. And, I feel like a walking advertisement for the last 20 seconds of the commercial; pounding heart, restless sleep, shaky, weak, easily tired, restless, and edgy.
So why not just come off the drug if it is making me feel so terrible?
I am still dealing with the massive eczema flare that plagued me all through the month of December. I tried to quit the Prednisone cold-turkey and had another flare. So, I am back on a big dose to slowly wean down over the coming weeks. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I simply cannot go through another month like the one I have just endured. I cannot go back to all that eczema, the sleepless nights, the agonizing scratching and the despair of living in a shell that is so out of balance.
The trouble is, the side effects of the Prednisone are making me feel like I am living in someone else’s body.
I take very good care of this body and in doing so I honor my deepest core values. I love my body and I want to hear what it has to tell me. I don’t feel comfortable covering up its voice with a drug. I have always been fit, vibrant and extremely healthy. I have a zest for life that bubbles over with the passion for whatever I am doing. I have a deep and resonant connection with my body, my mind and my spirit.
I am not someone who needs to sit down after folding a load of laundry!
I am trying very hard to tune in to what is being offered. I am trying to lean into Simon’s advice and just allow these moments to be what they are and not fight them. However, I am finding it challenging to be decidedly detached from the container in which I am living.