I have had an absolutely fabulous week and I feel, to coin a phrase, back in the saddle again. The combination of exercise, meditation, mindfulness and magic has allowed me to shed all the energetic weight I have been carrying and leap back into the version of myself that feels so alive and so magnificent.
Feeling this way gives me an opportunity to reflect back on the past few months and notice some interesting things. The first thing I notice is my progressive downward slide into the role of victim. I felt, as my eczema symptoms worsened no matter what I did, like a victim of my body. And, I suppose, I chose to cope by staunchly claiming the victim archetype. The other thing I notice is that I felt as if my body was letting me down. And a startling disconnect from my physiology was the unfortunate consequence.
This combination of victim and body-disconnect somehow resulted in choosing to abdicate all my power. I gave my power away. I am not judging myself for doing it, I am simply noticing. And abdicating my power meant that I forgot that I am the master of my own destiny, that I create my reality and that I am a gifted manifestor.
I had a wonderful conversation with my dear friend Shelley this afternoon and something she said resonated deeply. She reminded me that relationships go through stages of coming together and pulling apart. That they go through highs and lows. And without those highs and lows the relationship ultimately stagnates. What I realize about the past few months is that I went through a low point in relationship with my physical body. I felt separate from and betrayed by my body so I stopped leaning into the relationship.
I left my body. I gave it over to my Naturopath, my doctor, my chiropractor, my coach. I gave it over to despair. I wanted to be fixed. And I wanted answers from anywhere but inside my own wisdom. I lost touch with my own power and forgot that my inner wisdom ever existed at all.
What I know about tough times in relationships is that they carve us deeply. They can be extremely painful at the time but the result of the deepening offers a new resonance and allows the relationship to move to the next level.
The next level began on Monday morning when I put a stake in the ground and claimed my physical fitness at the gym. It began when I sat in the quiet dawn to quietly commune with my soul. And it began when my system cast off the pall of December and, once again, began to sing.
The prodigal daughter has returned and the joyous reunion feels spectacular. I know that there will be times ahead where I will, once again, lose touch, feel despair and slip into hopelessness. But, having gone through this deepening, I will know that it is just part of the natural cycle of relationship with this magnificent body.
For now, though, I get to take a deep breath and bask in the sweet reunion of mind, body, and spirit. I get to listen to the hum and the alignment of my deep inner wisdom and celebrate the sweetness of coming home.
365 Radical Acts 