I am perilously close to losing my mind and it has very little to do with the fact that Christmas is the day after tomorrow.

The massive flare of hives that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks is getting worse by the day. It started on my legs and is now all over my upper body. The hives are desperately itchy, painful and burn like acid on my skin. I am so itchy twenty-four hours a day I feel like I am going to go off the deep end. It is all I can think about and the only thing that gives me relief is holding a cold pack right onto my skin. Truly, if I could live in a freezer right now, I would be the happiest kid on the block.

Simon is going into his second week of pneumonia and is not really showing any signs of bouncing back. He is sneezing, coughing and feeling absolutely miserable. So, at this tricky and demanding season, I am single parenting. I am doing all the Christmas prep, the grocery shopping, cooking, laundry and cleaning.OMG

And, while I am doing it all, I am so itchy I want to scream, or cry, or both.

Fortunately, I had an appointment booked to see my fabulous and brilliant Naturopath, Dr. Carissa Doherty, this afternoon. As I was driving to her office in Burlington I hoped fervently that she would take one look at my skin and say…”OMG”.

Well, she took one look at my skin and said; “OMG”. And all I could think was; ‘thank goodness’.

After a lengthy and fascinating consult with her sister, Sonya, (who treats my kids), we had a plan. And, honestly, just knowing that both Carissa and Sonya were worried about me, and that there was a plan, I started to feel better.

Sometimes we moms just need someone to nurture us. Someone to understand what we are going through. Someone to pass a Kleenex when we cry. Someone to hug us and say; ‘it’s going to get better.’

And sometimes we even need someone to say…’OMG’!


Moving With the Flow

It seems that my skin has a rather dependable alarm clock that is set for the dot of 2:30am. And so, for the fourth day in a row, I have greeted the cold and lonely dawn at that precise time.Two Thirty am

The pattern for the past four nights is this…I am awakened out of a sound sleep by the desperately insistent need to scratch my right foot. If I don’t scratch I feel like I am going to go stark, raving mad. And if I do, it only aggravates the eczema and the hives and makes it so much worse. My mom’s brilliant idea of having a bucket of ice water by the bed worked wonderfully. However, when you have plunged your leg from the knee down into ice water at 2:30 in the morning, it is rather hard to settle back down to sleep.

I have that fuzzy and dangerously fragile feeling of an all-nighter. I feel weepy and tired and dreadfully homesick.

I just want to go home.

home-is-where-the-heart-isWhen that tender notion drifted through my consciousness in the very wee hours this morning, I adamantly pushed it away. ‘No way’, I thought, ‘I have two more days on my retreat, I’m not caving in and going home early.’

My gentle voice, however, agreed entirely. Home is where I need to be. I need comfort, I need TLC and I need to know that if tomorrow morning starts at 2:30am I am surrounded by people who love me and who care deeply about my wellbeing.

Maybe I am wimping-out. Maybe I am going to regret my decision. Maybe I will look back on this and think; ‘oh, Katie, you had two more days of blissful silence and alone time! How could you have given that up?’ However, the gentle voice is powerful and insistent and I need to listen. I want Simon. I want my boys. I want the sparkling Christmas tree, the festive decorations and the wonderful chaos that is my life.

I am listening to my body. I’m tuning in to the gentle voice that began my retreat four days ago. I am following the intuition that knows where I need to be right now.

I am moving with the flow and I am heading home.