Three and a half years ago I launched a blog entitled Open Secret. I created Open Secret because my son, Michael, had just been diagnosed with ADHD and I was feeling completely overwhelmed and utterly alone. Even from the very beginning, something told me that our journey was going to be important and to document every phase. I had never blogged before and wasn’t sure about sharing our ‘dirty laundry’. I did know, however, that I did not want any parent to have to feel the same depth of despair or bewilderment that I did at that time.
Open Secret followed us through our highest highs and our very lowest lows and I am so proud that it stands as a testament to Michael, to me, and to our family system.
I wrote Open Secret over the course of almost two years. By March of 2012 I could feel the energy and the life starting to fade. Michael was living an entirely new story and our family was in a new phase. I put Open Secret on hold so that I could write a book. Well, it took me more than a year to feel the inspiration again and to feel the call to reach back out to the world. And, as it turns out, it’s not a book. It’s another blog.
I absolutely love blogging. I love the feeling of being able to publish myself. I do not have to wait for a publisher to ‘discover’ me and decide that I am worthy. I am never told what I have to write or what is marketable. I just get to go where the spirit moves me and let my fingers reach out to the world. And, I love being able to share my observations of life, the Universe and everything.
When I began Open Secret I felt significantly attached to my daily stats. I wanted to know that people were reading what I was writing. I think that the isolation I was feeling at that point in my life had me needing the connection and undoubtedly also the acknowledgement.
365 Radical Acts feels, well, Radically different. I am absolutely loving the daily practice of writing and publishing. I feel very connected both personally and professionally so there is not that same need for approval or recognition. I do glance at my stats each day but do not feel in any way attached to them as a marker of success or failure. They are just stats.
I do have to admit, however, that if I notice that there has been a day with zero hits I wonder; ‘is there somebody out there? Is there anybody out there?’
I had the Sunday Blues yesterday. I am still in the throes of a massive flare of both hives and eczema and have been feeling like I will go crazy with the itching. I have cut out every food I can think of, am taking at least thirty pills per day and following the detoxification regimen to the letter. I am getting worse, not better. I hit an all-time-low yesterday at my sister, Margie’s, birthday party when I could feel the itching coming on and burst into tears in the middle of my sister’s kitchen. I just need some relief.
I still felt pretty emotionally tender this morning after a rough night of very itchy sleep. I called Margie on the way to my Naturopath IV appointment to wish her a happy birthday. We chatted most of the way and something triggered a memory about an encounter she had had at a party this past Friday night. She ran into an old friend who had read my blog and the long and the short is that she loved it! And she not only read 365 Radical Acts but she also read Open Secret. She made sure to tell Margie that my blogs had an impact, that she loved my writing, and that she is sharing it with others.
When I was feeling at my lowest this morning, Margie’s story gave me the boost of energy, connection and re-engagement with my passion that I really needed.
I am not alone. I am never alone. Somebody really is out there!
So thank you to all you ‘somebodies’ who are sharing this journey of life, love, family, passion, discovery and serendipity with me.
And, Jill, this one is for you. Thank you for being my ‘somebody’ today!